Hello friends, and Happy Holidays! Greetings and Glad Tidings! I wish you all of the Comfort and Joy! I hope this holiday season has treated you well and that your Christmas day is filled with joy and love and laughter and all of the things! As it’s the end of the year, we’re getting a little reflective and dare I say…existential… in today's issue, so get ready! But before we do…here’s a quick rundown:
One thing
Gut Check: 5 Big Things I Learned This Year
Gut Check, Part 2: Goals for 2024
In your free time
1 Thing to do today (if nothing else)
Personally, I don’t consume energy drinks (unless coffee counts!), but if you do one thing and one thing only today, maybe reconsider your love of that extra jolt of caffeine? Check out Wired’s look at energy drinks and the influencer culture that pushes them. Woof.
Gut Check: 5 Lessons I Learned in 2023
2023 was a huge year for me, personally. I started my own business, moved to a new state, traveled abroad, got pregnant, and dealt with a serious family conflict - the ramifications of which I’m still figuring out how to navigate. All that said, I learned quite a bit this year - things that I think are maybe worth passing on to all of you as we look at closing out the year. There’s no better time to reflect on some serious life lessons than the month of December, am I right? So, here goes.
Let go and embrace the chaos
Perhaps “chaos” isn’t the most accurate word here, but it’s the closest thing I can come up with. For me, 2023 was truly about learning to let go. Learning how to keep calm and carry on. Live and let live. Let Jesus take the wheel. Are there any cliches I’m missing? If so, insert here!
Anyway, 2023 started with a bunch of unknowns: I had no job. I was preparing to move to a new state and into a new house. I had to get my daughter into a new preschool. With that came lots of adjustments, lots of new routines, and in the beginning, lots and lots of sickness (IYKYK). For the first 3-4 months of the year, I didn’t know what life was going to look like on any given day, and that loss of control was destabilizing mentally and emotionally - that is, until I decided to just let go and enjoy the chaos. And let me tell you, it was chaotic. But I remember thinking one day that my misery was at least partially self-inflicted because of the negative stories I was telling myself day in and day out. Those had to change. Instead of “chaos”…how about “adventure.” Moving isn’t chaotic…it’s a new adventure! Not having a job for 3 months wasn’t stressful…it was a lesson in grit and realizing my own sense of self-worth (my job doesn’t define me, after all). And without that gap, I probably never would have started my own company. And no, this isn’t just a “oh hindsight is 20-20” thing. This kind of mental shift has to take place in the moment. It’s not that I can just look back now and realize those months were hard but worth it; they were hard AND I had to know they were worth it at the time, too. I had to change the story I was telling myself each day, let go of control, embrace the mess - and maybe even enjoy it a little!
Accept reality without disconnecting from it
This is one of those lessons that’s a little hard to explain, but I’m going to try anyway. First: some context. For the past 3 years, one of my siblings has been struggling with severe mental health issues - the kind that can be fatal. For the sake of her privacy, I won’t go into much more detail than that, but suffice to say, playing a key role in her treatment journey the last couple of years has been an extremely trying ordeal. It has, quite literally, turned my entire world upside down. Her illness and treatment consumed my every waking moment - and even some of my non-waking ones (Yes, I would literally have nightmares about her situation). Every single day I was terrified; consumed with fear over what was going to happen to her. Slowly, over time, and with the help of a great therapist, I learned how to accept the reality of the situation while also not disconnecting from it.
See, I couldn’t - and can’t - fix her. I have to accept that, but I also can’t disconnect and give up on the hope that someday, in her own time, she’ll make a full recovery and live a healthy life. In other words, I can’t do anything to make her get better and I had to make the painful decision to stop trying. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about what ultimately happens to her. Not caring anymore is dangerous territory and one I found myself almost slipping into, I’m ashamed to admit. But there’s a huge difference between “I’m accepting reality as it is,” and “I’m accepting reality by wiping my hands of it.” The former is a healthy mindset, and the latter is not.
Life doesn’t get easier in your 30’s
Oh boy. See lessons 1 & 2! It took me 34 years to learn to let go and accept reality…and I’m still working at it! At the risk of sounding too cynical, I’ve learned this year that life doesn’t get easier as you get older. It just comes with new and different challenges - some big, some small. Hardships come and go and that’s just the way it is, my friends! Sure, I can face problems with a little more wisdom and experience than I would have at 24, but that doesn’t necessarily make things easier.
Kindness still matters
Kindness is an underrated and under-appreciated virtue. But I have been on the receiving end of so much kindness this year, it’s hard to even know where to begin when writing about it. Both personally and professionally, I have seen friends, family members and colleagues show me acts of kindness both big and small that have meant the world to me. From family who helped us transition into our new life in South Carolina, to old colleagues and new acquaintances who helped spread the word about my new business, these “favors” have made all the difference. Even as I sit in it now, I’m struck by how the thing that really sets these acts apart was how easy they were for me to accept them. What I mean is this: It’s not always easy for me to ask for or receive help. But every act of kindness that sticks out for me in 2023 was an act that came with no expectations and no strings attached. That’s true kindness, and it’s becoming increasingly rare these days. Friends: be kind to one another. It still matters!
Doing the next right thing isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it
To quote Anna of Arendelle, just “take a step, step again. It is all that I came to do. The next right thing.” We’re all faced with hard choices in life, but you know the dirty little secret I came to realize this year? Usually the answer is pretty easy: it’s just doing the next right thing. Don’t want to get up early and work out even though you know you should? What’s the next right thing? Caught in the middle of a stressful family drama (we’ve all been there, hello holidays!)? What’s the next right thing? Not sure whether to support Israel or sympathize withHamas? (ok, THIS one should be easy).When you strip away the fluff, the right path is usually pretty easy to figure out.
And those, my friends, are the 5 big lessons that really smacked me in the face this year. If any of these resonate, or you’d like to share your own 2023 Big Girl Lessons, leave a comment on this post! Would love to hear them.
Gut Check Part 2: Goals for 2024
Of COURSE I couldn’t talk about lessons from 2023 without also putting my goals for 2024 out into the universe. Here they are, in no particular order.
Get better at balancing motherhood and career
True, this one will ALWAYS be a work in progress, but it’s also going to be at the top of every goals list I make from here until eternity. Being a working mom is hard. There’s the never-ending guilt that you’re not spending enough time with your kids. There’s the constant work distractions when you ARE home…and now that I’m working from home it’s even harder to turn off my work brain and go into mom mode. But I’m working at it.
Don’t say no to things out of fear
I need to work at saying yes more often. It’s really that simple.
Read more
Ok…perhaps this is another goal that forever be on my list of things to get better at…But I really do want to read more next year. I’m talking books. Hard, physical books. In my hands, with no screen in sight. (Can she do it!?!?!)
Get into shape
I have a pass until the end of May, when I’m supposed to deliver my second child. But after that, it’s time to get serious. No excuses. Just do the damn thing.
Make peace with getting older
Do I realize this sounds more than a little shallow? Yes, yes I do. But here’s a deep secret that I haven’t shared with many people but today I’m saying it out loud: I don’t like getting older. Turning 30 was hard for me, and each birthday since has caused more heartburn than I’d care to admit. I’m already dreading turning 40 one day, and I hate that. I want to make peace with getting older and embrace it. I really do. So, here’s hoping I can do some serious mindset shifting in 2024!
In Your Free Time
To Watch: Mindhunter on Netflix. I know I’m SO behind on raving about this show, but I recently binged both seasons while getting over the flu. It’s TRAVESTY that it was canceled after season 2.
To Listen: For all your true crime fans out there - Megyn Kelly’s deep dive into the Idaho murders.
To make: Looking for a last-minute Christmas treat? This fudge recipe is super easy and super delish. Thank me later.
Bonus: Is it Feminism?
Conservative commentator Matt Walsh stirred the pot on Twitter this week when he said women who let men who pay for their meals on dates should also turn around and play traditional female gender roles…otherwise they’re being “self-centered and inconsistent.” Megyn Kelly wasn’t having any of it.
Is it surprising that I’m #TeamMegyn all the way on this? Let’s just stick with the dinner example for now. If I were single and I let a man buy me dinner…I don’t have to cook him meatloaf and mashed potatoes the next night to prove I’m a good female partner - especially if I suck at cooking. Matt’s argument here is patently absurd. If I hate cooking and I’m not good at it…that’s just the way it goes, Mr. Walsh. And what’s more…what if the guy doesn’t care? Clearly Matt has certain expectations for his own relationship. Good for him. Doesn’t mean he gets to impose them on everyone else.
Feminism is about recognizing a woman’s freedom to make choices for herself, which is clearly something Mr. Walsh doesn’t approve of.
Thank you as always for your support! I want to hear from you in the comments! See you in two weeks! - Amanda