Welcome back to The Slip! Buckle up, beautiful!
If decades of politics and a year of 2020 nonsense have taught me anything, do not put faith in government leaders. Pray for them, sure. Support the ones who can make a difference at a pivotal moment, sure. But the idolization of political leaders will stop in 2021 for me and I hope you consider taking a break too.
I am what you’d call an “Establishment Republican” insofar as I support traditional conservatives. You know the boring ones like Mitch McConnell, Mitch Daniels, Tim Scott, Liz Chaney, Ben Sasse. Now I’m showing my bias since I described the above-mentioned folks as boring, some in Republican circles may call them radical, sell-outs, liberals even.
I never fight with my parents now that I’m an adult, heh. But, the one big fight I had with my father a few years ago was about Lindsey Graham. It was not fun for me. I was defending a man that’s been a US Senator for nearly two decades from my father who considered him a total sellout and by implication, I felt like he was calling me a sell-out too. It was one of those few lucid out of body experiences where I realize what was happening in real-time was actually quite hilarious but also stupid. Do I actually care what my father thinks of Lindsey Graham, no. Do I care what my father thinks of me, yes. Was I projecting what my father thought of Lindsey Graham onto myself, yes. Was that fair, no. Did I entertain it anyway, hell yes. Was I gonna lose the debate, hell no!
Narrator: This is American politics in a nutshell folks. Time to pack it up, that’s all you need to know. No one likes to lose. In fact, it’s anti-American to lose.
THE WOMAN CARD
I’ve been a cheerleader of women who run for office for a long time and that won’t stop. But once elected we should treat all of our elected officials with the deference they show to the office they hold. And if that involves treating their constituents as a sitcom studio audience looking for a laugh track then they better not be surprised when they get hit with boos and hisses.
The thing is I’m really embarrassed by some very prominent Republican women that have been elected to office recently. This isn’t a new phenomenon we’ve had ‘I’m Not A Witch,’ Christine O’Donnell, Sharron Angle, and you betcha Sarah Palin was gonna make the list. Hang with me here because this is like a bad godzilla metaphor, but the more you try to take them out the stronger and more dangerous they become. I get it we are the party for gun-toting second amendment lovers everywhere, but for the love of all things red-white-and-blue can we stop electing the candidates with the biggest guns or the toughest ‘act’? I’m waiting for our first fembot candidate to file. Who needs to pose with an AK-47 when you have semiautomatic tits? She, by the way, would totally win a republican primary.
I feel bad about criticizing GOP women because I want so badly for them to succeed at legislating, governing, and leading. But just like how I internalized the criticisms my father had about Lindsey Graham––I too internalize the criticisms of Majorie Taylor Greene in a much different way than I do the Josh Hawleys of the world.
You look like me! You are supposed to represent me in a special kind of way that only Americans would project themselves onto Members that aren’t from their own state or district. Don’t be crazy, it reinforces the bad stereotypes I’m trying to disprove about Republicans to my friends that look to me in horror as they try to figure out why exactly I’d still claim association with those people. Honestly, I don’t even know anymore. It’s with stubborn pride that I hope to stamp out the crazies so I can prove to myself and others that I was right––that I could help win back the soul of conservatism. That a career in politics wasn’t a complete waste of time. But, mostly that I’m not a fraud by association.
IN THIS CORNER
We treat elected Republicans in DC like our avatars in Mortal Kombat. Today I chose Lauren Boebert to fight Ilhan Omar, Mitch McConnell to fight Chuck Schumer. Look no further than daily headlines that show the demand for carnage. The demand to see LIBS ‘owned’, ‘slammed’, ‘dragged’, right-wingers “pouncing” etc.
As a tactician and strategist Mitch McConnel is a badass and a fierce defender of the institution. He is the Nostradamus of the Senate. And It’s not his fault that the Senate Democrats are the underpants gnomes. But no amount of Cocaine Mitch paraphernalia or endorphin hits from Take-Down-Twitter of the Ruthless variety will actually cure my aching heart that knows our Country is sincerely broken, even if I think I’m right and they are wrong. Even when I know I’m right. Mitch isn’t my savior, he’s only a man. I agree with him on a lot and I appreciate his conservative stance on protecting institutions––it is after all conservative to preserve that which has come before us. It’s not hypocritical to fight against change, but then play by the new rules and “win” ensuing political battles. Yes, I’m referring to the filibuster.
What I can’t stomach is whataboutism. Democrats do this to Republicans. Republicans do this to Democrats. Republicans do this to other Republicans. Just a bunch of shifty-eyed jerks using misdirection tactics to hang up one zinger after another on their opponents who aren’t even on air to defend themselves. It’s pathetic. Text USA to 12345 and help them save America––with a $1, $5, or $1,000 donation to show you’re a true patriot that will bankroll their faux-celebrity fantasies. #Merica
When is the last time you heard a politician own up to a mistake? We speak in absolute terms that shut down any room for debate, empathy, or the c-word—compromise—with the opposing side. To call your side ‘patriots’ implies the other side are traitors. To say ‘your truth’ is to call anyone that disagrees with you a liar. Facts can’t actually be up for interpretation but apparently, that statement alone is a faux pas in postmodern America. I will begrudgingly concede that I may be counter-culture. Winky face.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE A REPUBLICAN
To call someone a ‘RINO’ implies you know what republicanism stands for and abide by all the Republican platform calls for and that the other person is taking advantage of someone’s ignorance of either the philosophical or policy differences. Let’s take a step back for a hot second. To be called the slur RINO really means that you are in it for the money or power. What else would a Republican In Name Only stand to gain from attaching themselves to such an unpopular brand?
From the 2016 Republican Platform:
We reaffirm the Constitution’s fundamental principles: limited government, separation of powers, individual liberty, and the rule of law.
Had to double-check, but yes I still agree with all of that.
I’ve been called a RINO as a campaign staffer, by an unpaid volunteer. I no longer am paid in any capacity by the republican party or any republican candidates––I still get called this.
I’m an elected party member of the Virginia Republican Party and recently at a live-streamed meeting in January, one of my counterparts called for civility during a particularly heated discussion. I’m paraphrasing but what came immediately next was, “We need to focus on fighting the Democrats. They are the enemy.” I was stunned. No one said anything––I wondered if I should say something, but by then the moment had gone. Is that an acceptable stance within the GOP now? Half the country is the enemy and we must fight them? I say nay, but then again I’m a RINO.
WE THE PEOPLE’S TWO FRONT WAR
If you want to keep with the analogy I hear from the Patriot Wing of the Republican Party: this is war. Haven’t you heard, we’re on the cusp of the next Civil War. But then how do we reckon with our inner party schism? And if history has shown us our fate, why would those calling for a civil war with the other half of America also be so ready to kick out the RINOs from our big circus tent?
The ‘facts don’t care about your feelings’ or so I’m told. Hey maybe that can be their new Patriot Party motto? Qarens everywhere will wear it proud bedazzled on a tote. I’ll react in the same way I do to coexist bumper stickers and In This House, We Believe yard signs––oh you think you’re better than me? Dick.
AFTERMATH OF THE QANON R3VOLUTION & THE CAPITOL INSURGENCY
January 6th, 2021 was one of those moments in American life that I could feel in real-time was changing America.
Are we the Republican Party of America or the Republican Party of Donald Trump? I refuse to show undying loyalty to any person––especially not a politician. I am genuinely confused how so many god-fearing people in my life have become online comment warriors on behalf of DJT, Stop The Steal, and internet conspiracy theories.
People died raiding the U.S. Capitol and protecting the Capitol. For what and why? Those gathered at the Stop The Steal rally believed something historic and momentous was about to occur. They thought they were modern-day minutemen fighting tyranny and saving the Republic. They were duped. Part of me feels bad for them, part of me wants to yell at them, “what were you thinking!”, and all of me wants to punish the leaders responsible for feeding the lie. The people who were hunting legislators that day, the people who beat police officers, the people who ransacked the chamber and offices of the Capitol deserve no sympathy. Lock them up!
Insurrection apologists or antifa whatabouters can kindly see their way out too. Just because bad people went unchecked in Portland riots over the Summer of 2020 doesn’t justify riotous behavior at a later point in time ever. Wrong is wrong. In fact, arguing the difference makes you lose the moral high ground.
In 4 years we lost the White House, the U.S. House of Representatives, and the U.S. Senate. And there are no calls for an analysis of inner-party actions––which is hilarious to me since 2012 shocked us all in our national loss. Seems to me 2020 was an even bigger shock to the GOP considering a large contingency of our leadership and base consider the loss so unlikely that it must be an error. We’ve blamed the voting machines, the election officials, the process, the deep state, the lizard people, and the late Hugo Chávez, but the most obvious thing to blame––the candidate on the ballot––no!
We lost an election, it's not the end of the world. Conservatism isn’t dead, yet. If we can just calm down and reassess we will see that Americans want stability. Politics is optics and Donald Trump’s Twitter account (R.I.P) and his rallies were a show, it was a spectacle, and if we are to believe the American people, it was exhausting and they didn’t want 4 more years.
I don’t believe the 2020 election was a referendum on conservative policies, namely because conservative policies were never talked about, Donald Trump’s character and tone and loyalty tests were always in the headlines. DJT said, “Jump!” and Republicans on Capitol Hill said, “How high? And will you endorse me against my primary opponent?” All that mattered was whether DJT liked someone. And you know what, great for Donald Trump, but I don’t see how that helps conservatism as an idea or America in general.
DJT’s most ardent supporters, some of which include my own family members, like to remind me that DJT tells it like it is. Sure he’s the guy at the bar roasting everyone. Adam Schiff has a watermelon head. Pocahontas. Little Rocket Man. These aren’t hard truths, they’re funny observations.
He’s Don Rickles. Give the man credit where credit is due, he was downright hilarious at times. But, that’s easy to do when you have fuck you money. What Donald Trump did wasn’t brave. He wasn’t sticking up for the little guy––just because he beats up on people we also don’t like is not a sign of political virtue. Being canceled on Twitter does not make you a martyr. It gives you political clout and a new grievance to exploit and fundraise off of.
Don’t point to him or his children losing business contracts as a penance, where there’s one public business breakup there’s plenty of other opportunities and investors lining up around the block to work with them. Cancel culture has become a badge of honor to wear around to show the masses I have done or said this for you because you couldn’t, you’re welcome. It’s drumroll please, victimization politics. Y’all it’s a straight-up bait and switch.
That’s how the game works. Your hero shouldn’t be DJT because he’s playing the game that everyone else is playing––he’s good at it, so good that his own fans don’t see how they are being used to prop him up. We are smarter than this.
What does he get out of this? He’s already rich and famous. Um, he was the #1 topic of conversation around the world. Everyday!
He got to be the world’s most famous person. It’s Monopoly. More money, more hotels, more power. A bigger boat. A better golf course. His own media company and cable news network to take out the other guys.
It’s really not that hard to see once you use your eyes. We’re all really good at using our imagination, so I’m hoping to put this simpler assignment to task moving forward.
No one really gets canceled (well, Armie Hammer is definitely canceled) but no one gets exiled for political speech. There’s a lot of people that are fishing to get canceled to raise their own profile and everyone is taking the bait. We all get to say the things we’re thinking at the moment we think them. Here I am thinking out loud. I’m a hero and villain on most days––just depends on what side you’re cheering for.
I leave you with this: Never underestimate someone’s desire to be famous and what they’re willing to do or say to make it happen.
Media Diet
To watch:
B Mo the Prince on Insta (‘cause I’m a Millennial and don’t get TikTok)
To listen:
Commentary Magazine Podcast (feat. John Podhoretz, Noah Rothman, Abe Greenwald, and breath of fresh air Christine Rosen) Hey John, Hey John, Hey John! Here’s my episode recommendation: The Long Fight Ahead
Pretty much anything Jonah Goldberg touches, but especially The Remnant Podcast—Episode recommendations: The Neo-Whigs & Getting it Right
Call Your Girlfriend Podcast—Episode recommendation: Transition of Power
Products I’m Loving Right Now
Your tired eyes can thank me later.
-Sarah
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