I have a theory, and it goes something like this: If all you see is negativity and victimhood, all you’re really after is control.
That’s it. That’s the theory.
I’m increasingly bothered by this idea that we can’t just acknowledge progress when we see it - and that it’s good. It’s GOOD.
Capitalism is responsible for making America the most prosperous country in the world, yet profit motives are evil. America leads the way in carbon emissions, yet if we don’t pass the Green New Deal our planet is doomed. Women have made enormous gains in terms of workforce participation and wage growth, yet we’re still hopelessly oppressed by the patriarchy. Thank you, next.
We’re constantly being told America is failing. Our country is being held together with bubble gum and shoestring. We have so much more WORK to do, people, and we must march for justice! Post this black square on Instagram! Publicly declare your anti-racism! Tell me you understand the sky is falling and division isn’t just a thing they teach in math!
It’s a party of doom and gloom and no one’s allowed to go home yet.
Negativity is everywhere. Look no further than your television screen, and the never-ending spotlight on one Dr. Anthony Fauci. I’m no anti-Fauci agitator, but has the man ever met a piece of bad news he didn’t like? The more I hear from him, the more I’m convinced this guy either has no concept of the word “hope,” or he’s carrying out a secret plot to take over the country. I’m only half-kidding. When we should have ALL been celebrating the remarkable human achievement of market-ready COVID vaccines, he was, for weeks, telling us we would still have to wear masks - shot or no shot. Things are so bad, allow me to continue controlling your life, please.
Thanks a lot, Dr. Downer.
In the end, I’m convinced, it’s all about control, but it goes far beyond health care bureaucrats trying to orchestrate our every move during a pandemic. The negativity. The doom and gloom. The endless cries of victimhood status. The misery exhibited on the left in particular has, we’ve seen time and time again, led to knee-jerk finger-pointing. And what happens after that? We’re told we must DO SOMETHING. But not just anything. THE THING.
Are you lost yet? Here’s what I mean.
The other day I was scrolling Twitter (duh), and came across a tweet that had me scratching my head and intrigued enough to click on the op-ed.
The writer, Helaine Olen, spends a few hundred words bemoaning the fact that the pandemic has hit working women particularly hard because many of them have had to scale back their careers and professional aspirations to stay home with the kids. This phenomenon, however, isn’t new, she points out. For years, women who juggle work and motherhood have decided to scale back for a time, but then have difficulty re-entering the workforce. “The ‘short detour’ becomes “permanent and life-altering,” Olen writes. All fair.
Then Olen decides to bash conservatives. Uhhh, ok? Here’s Olen:
The Biden administration, to its credit, looked at the pandemic ground situation and concluded that tending to humans was as much a part of our societal infrastructure as building and maintaining roads and bridges, and it is now proposing to expand federal funds for universal pre-K.
But Republicans and conservatives are using the sentiment of the old opt-out movement to attack President Biden and the help he wants to offer American parents. Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.) wants to offer a tax credit to parents, one they would receive whether one stayed home or not.
…
American mothers — and fathers — need help. But the moment we begin to wrap women’s life-altering decisions to leave or cut back on paid work and professional aspirations in the soft glow of motherhood, we are playing into flawed and disproven conservative tropes about society.
Hhhmmmmm. So tax credits are bad if they’re given to parents who decide to use the money to stay home with their kids. THE HORROR! The THING to do in this case, you see, is to spend trillions of dollars on “free” childcare so mom and dad can both pursue careers. No freaking way should you get financial help to stay home - because that’s no woman’s choice, right? Any woman staying home, working part-time, or scaling back is only doing so because she is being forced into the choice by society and “conservative tropes.” Tax credits reinforce that. See? Victimhood. But also: control. Control over personal, family decisions. Control over how we raise our young children. No work outside the home? No help for you! Get out there and work, woman!
Sigh.
When we’re victims, we need someone or something to blame. Once we’ve zeroed in on our target, it’s time to figure out ways to change - control - behaviors. The left has perfected this sequence, and they’re getting better at it by the day.
Granted, the right is becoming increasingly guilty of this too, but that’s another post for another time. Victimhood - especially as an identity - is a toxic poison that infects everything it touches. And when it begins to define a movement or political party, it becomes even more dangerous. Only narrative matters. Facts become irrelevant. Truth and reality are subjective and relative to the eye of the beholder. Before you know it, we’re teaching white boys that they’re future killer cops. We have an administration that pushes critical race theory in schools. The narrative is that all white people come out of the womb guilty of oppression. So what are we DOING about it? We’re going to mind-control it out of them by way of government-sponsored school curriculums. OR ELSE.
Maybe I’m assuming too much with my theory that victimization is all about the desire to control. But...I don’t think I am. I have no doubt that many, many Americans are deeply serious in their conviction that they are oppressed. And while I’m not interested, at the moment, in debating the rightness or wrongness of that, I will object to “solutions” that focus on controlling how we live, how we work, how we think, and especially - how we raise our children.
We’ve come so far as a country. America is GOOD, gosh darnit!
So here’s an idea: Let’s just stop. Stop being miserable. Stop succumbing to self-anointed victimhood status. Stop trying to control people’s lives. Let’s stop and smell the progress.
Sister Shoutout
In this week’s Sister Shoutout, I’m featuring a dear friend of mine, Kiki from PinkOrangeVintage! She’s got killer style, an awesome Instagram presence, a newsletter you should definitely sign up for, AND an online shop where she sells curated vintage finds.
1. Tell us a little bit about yourself: I am a wife and a stay at home mama to one very creative, active little boy, and a super cute chihuahua. As a kid I was a pretty big introvert, but I always had a love of making things and self expression. I was the little girl who was perfectly content coloring and making crafts all day. Sewing garments is my main passion these days, plus working on my Etsy shop sharing my love of vintage and inspiring people in how they get dressed.
2. Where/how did you get the idea for Pink Orange Vintage? I’ve always had an interest in personal style and back when I was around 19 I found a pair of my grandmother’s gold, fake jewel-encrusted clip-on earrings. I started wearing them with EVERYTHING and realized how they made me feel more fun and authentic in my own personal style, setting off my love for vintage jewelry and clothing. When I wear vintage I feel like I am re-interpreting a style or story to make it my own. Plus wearing something completely unique that you can’t find in a store is a great way to celebrate your own personal style. I also love thrifting and looking for treasures. Being able share them with other people to help them feel inspired is so fun!
My shop’s name came out of an experience I had a few years ago. For over a month I got rid of all my clothes and bought only secondhand items that included lots of bright color, totally changing how I got dressed. I realized by dressing in more color I felt more creative and even more like me. The name Pink Orange Vintage came out of the realization that I could wear any color I wanted, including pink and orange which were two “no” colors in my closet. Now I love them together and when I think of them together I think Bright and Fun.
3. What's 1 piece of advice you would give women who feel like they're in a "rut" - whether it's a creative rut, style rut, or just life in general? Usually a rut indicates that you have boxed yourself into something for too long: whether it’s a certain way of thinking, a routine, an idea about what you can and cannot wear; or maybe you’ve taken on an identity that isn’t really true to you, or allowed past negative experiences to define who you are for too long. I’ve realized that each day comes with an opportunity to bust out of that negative thinking, or to shake things up in your routine.
A fun idea to help with a rut no matter what kind would be to switch up your style a bit. Start wearing more color or fun patterns, and purge your old clothes (thrift stores are great for this). I believe by dressing more creatively you can really help change your mood and bring energy to your day. If you’re a stay at home mom one of my favorite ways to get out of a rut is to spend time with another woman in her home. See how she does life with her family and how she sets up her house. Spending time with other people is also a great way to spark some inspiration.
4. What does feminism mean to you? To me the word feminism can have many different meanings. I believe in the importance of supporting and celebrating the achievements of other women and equality especially in the work place, but not at the cost of tearing men down. I don’t feel the need to prove I am equal to a man in every which way—to me that idea takes away the beauty of being a woman. I think men and women were made to be quite different and that is a good thing.
The idea of feminism to me means embracing femininity. I love being a woman. I feel like femininity over the years has lent to this idea of weakness which couldn’t be further from the truth. I think you can be feminine and strong at the same time. Women are the only people who can push babies out of their bodies! I can’t think of anything more hardcore than that.
5. What's one positive/silver lining that came out of the pandemic for you? Easy—my Etsy shop! I love being able to share creativity and inspiration with other people through the process of personal style. It’s been a bright light during a dark time for me, for sure. Along with my shop I also started an email list for sending out creative inspo right to your inbox! My ultimate goal is to help people continue to feel inspired.
6. What's your go-to Starbucks order? Iced white tea, unsweetened!
7. What's 1 movie you can watch over and over again and not get tired of? The Labyrinth! The soundtrack and costume design is on point in that movie. And any 80s movie with Molly Ringwald. Love her!
Thank you so much, Kiki!
Amanda’s Media diet
To listen:
John McWhorter on the Megyn Kelly Show
I feel like a broken record hyping the Megyn Kelly Show, but this episode is fascinating.
Femsplainers: Your Mommy Brain is Real & More New Science on Motherhood
This episode blew my mind.
To read:
All of This S**t is High School (Substack)
Why Parents Need The Flexibility of Cash Payments More Than Universal Child Care (Deseret News)
The Gig Economy Is Making the Future of Work Brighter for Women (Fortune)
Products I’m Loving Right Now
I finally caved and bought some Brooklinen sheets a couple of weeks ago during their birthday sale and OMG I love them.
I’m officially an Ilia convert, and have been loving their Super Serum Skin tint.
The Slip will return in 2 weeks!
-Amanda