Co-comparison in the age of social media
Progressives are not ok
Mary Katharine Ham does The SLiP Q & A
In the year of our Lord and Savior two thousand and twenty-one, one of the greatest philosophers of our time penned the following lament about social media:
All your friends are so cool, you go out every night
In your daddy’s nice car, yeah, you’re livin the life
Got a pretty face, pretty boyfriend too
I wanna be you so bad, and I don’t even know you
All I see is what I should be
Happier, prettier, jealousy, jealousy
All I see is what I should be
I’m losing it, all I get’s jealousy, jealously
Co-comparison is killin’ me slowly
I think, I think too much
‘Bout kids who don’t know me
And I’m so sick of myself
I’d rather be, rather be
Anyone, anyone else
Jealousy, jealousy
That philosopher, of course, is the one and only Olivia Rodrigo and the song is called “Jealousy.” At the ripe old age of 18, Rodrigo used the track on her album, Sour, to provide a brutally honest look into the mind of a teenage girl with access to social media. What she reveals is sad but expected: jealousy and endless comparison that is “killin’ me slowly.”
Preach, sister.
A few weeks ago, The Wall Street Journal published an expose accusing Facebook of obtaining research showing Instagram’s irrefutable harm to teenage girls. According to the WSJ, Facebook, which owns Instagram, buried the findings. Specifically, the research from 2019 and 2020 found that 32% of teen girls said that “Instagram made them feel worse about their bodies.” Researchers also warned that the company makes “body image issues worse for one in three teen girls,” and that “teens blame Instagram for increases in the rate of anxiety and depression.”
In its effort to do damage control, Facebook responded by putting on hold its plans to develop Instagram Kids - a product aimed at the “untapped audience” known as “tweens” (aka anyone under the age of 13).
What’s a freedom-loving, concerned parent to do? As a new mom, I’m terrified of the potential dangers social media poses for my daughter. As a conservative, I’m loathe to suggest any kind of government regulation or intervention. Yes, there are plenty of lawmakers and pundits on the right pushing legislation to regulate or break up “big tech.” Until now, I have not been one of them, and even as I write this, I’m not sure where I fall on the issue. (How’s that for a little honesty?)
But as I skim the national conversation about the dangers of social media, I’m left asking: Where are the parents? If Facebook is motivated purely by profit, doesn’t that suggest that the only reason the company would develop an “Instagram for Kids” is because there’s data telling them it’s a profitable and untapped market? In other words, there are enough tweens out there with smartphones and access to social media that it makes sense for Facebook to develop a product just. For. them. But who are all these 12-year-olds with smartphones? And again: where are their parents? (Yes, my teenage self was cringing as I wrote that).
It seems to me that when it comes to teens and the very real issues they face because of Instagram, there’s plenty of blame to go around. Yes, I’ve seen The Social Dilemma; I know Facebook designs its platform(s) to be addictive. But not ALL of the blame can be laid at the feet of Mark Zuckerberg. It’s unreasonable to think you can hand your 12-year-old a potentially addictive tool, and expect their 12-year-old brains to handle it with wisdom and maturity. Children need to be protected. As parents, that’s our job, and I’m hesitant to hand the responsibility over to Congress or unelected bureaucrats who’ve never met me or my kid.
I’ll end with this: Addiction in any form is a constant quest for a connection that we lack in our real lives. When we lack connection with real humans, we look for it in other places: drugs, alcohol, social media...the list goes on. Hot take: If your 12 year-old daughter struggles with Instagram-induced depression and anxiety, maybe put down the finger pointing at “big tech,” and ask yourself what your child is missing in her real-world, off-screen life. Once you’ve done that, ask the next question: Is this something that can be fixed by Congress passing a new piece of legislation? My guess is, the answer is no.
The Progressives Are Pissed
Raise your hand if you’re a new fan of Arizona Sen. Kyrsten Sinema. Here at The SLiP, we admire women in the public eye who stand firm and don’t bend to the wills of the “higher-ups” - regardless of political affiliation. The same can’t be said for the progressive wing of the Democratic Party.
Exhibit A: “Progressive Democrats Seek to Purge The Term ‘Moderate’”
Exhibit B: “Calling Sinema an ‘obstructionist’ rather than a centrist, Garrick McFadden, a former vice chair of the Arizona Democratic Party, said it’s ‘not just the hippies and the 20-, 30-year-old’ Democrats who are fed up with her, but more moderate and institutional-minded Democrats, as well. ‘I don’t understand the calculus,’ he said.”
Exhibit C: Let’s Call Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema What They Are: Extremists
For all the talk about unity and bringing the country together (ha, that was SO 2020!) the Democratic Party is full on rejecting a middle-of-the-road approach to policy. The message is clear: Fancy yourself a moderate? You dirty obstructionist! GTFO.
The Slip Q & A: Mary Katharine Ham
I am SO stoked to bring you The SLiP Q&A with the one and only Mary Katharine Ham! You’ve probably seen heron your TV as a political commentator and debate moderator. Or, you may have read the book she co-authored with Fox News’ Guy Benson called “End of Discussion: How the Left’s Outrage Industry Shuts Down Debate, Manipulates Voters, and Makes America Less Free (And Fun). Or maybe you just follow her on Twitter! Regardless of how you know - or first heard - of Mary Katharine, if you’re anything like me, you shut up and listen when she has something to say.
1. What does feminism mean to you, and do you consider yourself a feminist?
It's a bit of a fraught word, but yeah, I consider myself one even if it's partly because it annoys a lot of other people who consider themselves feminists. I kid, I kid. In seriousness, I was raised with two brothers, and I was never given the impression by my parents that I had fewer opportunities before me because I was a woman. I strive to raise my kids the same way, and think too much of the current wave of feminism is focused on convincing women of how many obstacles they have in front of them.
They exist, for sure, but as the great Marie Curie said, "Life is not easy for any of us, but what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves."
My grandmother was born in rural Virginia in the 1920s—one-room schoolhouse and an outhouse type of upbringing. She played basketball, went to college, and fell in love with her childhood sweetheart. When he went to fight in the European theater in World War II, they weren't married yet, and she moved to Washington, D.C. as a single woman to be a Navy WAVE, where she served in intelligence with a high clearance for several years. When he got back, they married, had three kids, and she schlepped them and the family's belongings around the globe and the U.S., often alone, when he was deployed. He died in his 40s, and she came back to Virginia, where she was on the town council and ran her church and her nursing home's activities. Now, she was a God-fearing, patriotic, conservative American woman her whole life, but you can't tell me she wasn't a feminist.
I'm lucky enough to stand on her shoulders.
2. You were recently a guest host on The View. What was that experience like? And do you ever get tired of being cast as the "token conservative"?
The reason I do this job is because I grew up as the only conservative/libertarian in all my hometown groups and schools. It's a very liberal college town, and my contrarian streak demanded that I always push back on whatever the prevailing argument was. I was lucky to grow up in a time when asking questions of the liberal orthodoxy and poking at it with some critical questions was more welcome in classrooms than it is now. I'm thankful for that experience, and all those I've had since then, where I can take an underrepresented viewpoint into a space and give it a chance it might not otherwise have gotten. It's one of my favorite things to do, whether it's on college campuses or on "The View." It can be nerve-wracking to be the weirdo in the room, but ultimately, I think being around people with whom I disagree, honing arguments, and even actively arguing can be really enriching and fun. That's something I think too many people have lost sight of, instead viewing their fellow citizens as some sort of ideological contagion they must avoid. I try to refute that with my words and actions as often as possible. Rooms need weirdos or the rooms become boring and lazy!
3. Along those same lines...while she was a host, Meghan McCain talked a lot about how conservative female voices are underrepresented in the media. Do you share that frustration? And does that add extra pressure for you when you do media appearances?
First, I'm very thankful for the other women I know in this business, and who have been mentors and friends as we've all navigated this career. Meghan was a blast to watch on "The View," and gave voice to so many of my feels and thoughts while there. I talked in my last answer about having friends whose views do not agree with yours. That's super important, so you don't get too blinkered or bubbled in your own notions. It's also important, in a media job, to stay in touch with a group of women (men too, but my girl groups are really helpful) who do reflect a lot of your views. If I looked around me at work, I'd assume every person has NARAL's position on abortion restrictions, but that's not true when you look at the polling of Americans, particularly women, who are far more willing to restrict in later trimesters than the average newsroom. Media Twitter and newsrooms are not reflective of American opinion on a lot of fronts, and having some friends who remind you of that is helpful, so you don't do too much going along to get along and lose sight of it.
4. What do you think conservatives can learn from liberals, and vice versa?
I think both sides could use a dose of the other's perceived strength.
For conservatives: On an issue like, say, criminal justice, a dose of liberal empathy would be helpful to seeing that your background and experiences with an institution aren't necessarily someone else's, and maybe as a result you unfairly dismiss some of the worries and dangers others perceive from that particular kind of state power.
For liberals: On any public policy issue, a dose of conservative tough love or realism would be helpful. Measuring the intentions of spending a bunch of money we don't have should not be sufficient to say we "solved a problem." Results should dictate that or the money was unjustly taken and spent without serving those we wish to serve.
5. What's the best career advice you ever received?
When you're starting out, do every part of your job well, even if you don't think it's pertinent to your career. You're gonna get handed some grunt work. I was! But my first writing job in D.C. came by virtue of doing a weekly, long notes-taking job that wasn't really in my job description. But I did it well and someone noticed.
The other piece of advice I give young women in particular is to buy yourself a negotiating coach or class. I happened to have a close friend who was naturally a great negotiator, and she talked me into asking for much more than I would have in my early career. Those early asks have built over the years to put me in a much better position now than I would have if I had gone in there non-strategically.
Now for some fun ones!
Go-to Starbucks order?
Medium medium roast with heavy cream and an order of bacon egg bites. Is it insufferable that I still refuse to learn the right term for a medium? Maybe.
Movie you've seen a million times and never get tired of?
"Tombstone" is my favorite movie. Of late, "Into the Spider-Verse" is one I've watched and will continue to watch a million times with my kids. Never disappoints.
Pick 3 people, alive or dead, you'd love to grab lunch with:
Okay, I'm cheating, but I picked two contemporary and two historical.
Dolly Parton
The Rock
Thomas Jefferson
Booker T. Washington
Amanda’s Media Diet
To read:
Chicago Sun-Times: Katie Couric is a Cautionary Tale
Commentary Magazine: “It’s Part of the Process”
AP: Woman with Down Syndrome Loses UK Abortion Law Challenge
The Atlantic: Murders Are Spiking in America
To Watch:
Sen. Cruz Grills Facebook Official On Their ‘Eagerness to Mislead the Public’
To Listen:
Commentary: Are Politicians Lying More?
The Megyn Kelly Show: Missing Migrants, MAsk Mutiny, and the Hunter Biden Email Coverup
Honestly: Wrongthink on Race with Glenn Loury
The SLiP will return in 2 weeks! xoxo
-Amanda